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Vintage Outlandish!

This Content From 2003 (or earlier) see index

[outlandish] | [my story] | [love] | [sin] | [places] | [philosophy]

The time has come

Dual Josh
"Yeah they call me the seeker/I been searching low and high." As you can no doubt surmise, I'm very tortured and sensitive, bathed in the Fire and the Blackness, full of mystery and purpose. Yeah right!

The Story So Far

I've decided that all this irresponsible nonsenese, this playing, dallying, fooling around, has for now worn down my latent and lazy engine of lust. My wild oats, such as they are, don't really feel like they need any more sowing. Instead I find myself looking for meaning or something. Trouble is, I don't fit the mold of what most modern men want out of a woman. I have a hard time giving my respect to people, to anyone, and it takes something special to light my fire. After years of perelous emotional highs and lows, I find myself largely non-plussed by most potential mates.

I've been here before. About a year ago, I decided that these high standards, this stingyness with my respect, this elitism was holding me back and making me lonesome. So I decided to relax and have some fun. It was good. I had fun, I learned things, I met people. But one year and six lovers later, I'm back where I started, trying anything I can to kindle up some sparks inside.

And this time I want a real spark. You can see my lamentation for a lack of strategy, a lack of means, on the main love page. I don't know what I'm to do. But I figured that trying to specify my desires would be a positive step, so here goes...

Wanted: soulmate
Woman who challenges me, who is positive and optimistic without being simple, strong, self-confidant & creative without being pretentious, brilliant and drop dead gorgeous, but humble and patient. We will have a life-long affair that could include lengthy times apart and many other lovers. But we will always know the way home.

Some additional (superficial) qualifications:

  • Should be socially more outgoing than I, the girl who's always putting herself out there.
  • Should be fiercely loyal and perhaps even posessive. I want her to say, "No one _____s me like you do," and I want to say this to her.
  • Intellectual/physical athleticism and a highly competative temperment are big plusses.

In the long run I know I want to settle down and build a home. I'm nowhere near there now (clearly), but it's on my 10-year radar. As such, I want to get the feeling that someone I'm spending my time with might possibly still be around me in that kind of time frame.

And this is how the self-pep-talk goes: so you know what I'm looking for in life, and you don't need to be ashamed (guilt free 2002!) when you poke around a little bit and find out it's not where you're looking. So at the moment, your best bet is to try an believe that you have that kind of devine relationship with the universe and existence at large, to believe that the best has yet to come. Just listen to the distance: you'll hear your bell ringing. No need to hurry, just keep the goals in the back of your mind and let the stream of life carry you on down to your destination. Being single isn't the end of the world, you know. I'm young. Time abounds.

[outlandish] | [my story] | [love] | [sin] | [places] | [philosophy]

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Trips

Trips in Space and Time 8/02/03

Big Wheels in Berkeley
I scored a set of west-coast wheels today at the Ashby BART station flea market. It's a very tall schwinn road bike, black, deceptively heavy but smooth-riding. Thirty-five dollars to boot. I oiled and cleaned the works, dialed in the bakes and took it out for a shake-down cruise immediately. Nice riding on a beautiful saturday, realizing how out of shape I am as I wheezed my way though the hilly area behind the Berkeley campus.

After about an hour I started to get the swing of it. Made some minor mechanical adjustments (including a free wheel truing at the bike collective on Shattuck), drank a few liters of water and started finding my groove, cruising up and around and ending up with a beautiful view of the whole bay. The roads here are not kind to the speed inclined -- too many stop signs and crosswalks and lights -- but it was good to get out and proj for a while. This changes my summer dramatically.

...older trips...

...context...



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