Passing through my instant message window today:

i used the line, "seeking strategic partners that synergize with our core competencies" with no irony whatsoever

i felt dirty.

People are getting back into business, and while it doesn't look like regular people have much hope of advancement, my guess is that in the next decade there will be an opportunity for the well informed/connected to get another little boom going for themselves. Given that I see this coming, it brings up a bunch of interesting questions on the subject of "career."

I'm forever entrepreneurial, that's just how I am, but there are real conflicts over what I really aught to do with my energy and expertise. I don't really know if it's possible to do a "tour of duty" in the business world. I used to think I might be able to sell myself out for a year, get rid of some debt, bank a little cash and the strike out on my own, but the reality is that at the level where you're getting that kind of pay they tend to want more from you than you really want to give.

The new alternatives seem to be either gearing down, going neo-boho, or getting ambitious again. Basically those mean:

• Gearing Down: continuing the frugal lifestyle I've been leading for the past four months, adjusted for a more sustainability; probably going somewhere with a lower cost of living than NYC. Looking to settle into some kind of easy groove. Probably not likely, but always a possibility.
• Neo-Boho: more or less continuing on-course in terms of work activity; freelancing; living a slightly more materially comfortable lifestyle (e.g. my own apartment); continuing to seek and sample. This is kind of the default plan, though I'm skeptical that I will find it very fulfilling for much longer.
• Ambitious: making some solid choices about what I want to do and where I want to go and really attempting to go all the way with it. Putting my social and cultural capital on the line; calling in favors; starting to ask for what I want rather than just what I need.

When I write it out like that, the obvious gravitation is towards the latter choice. The problem is in the "making some solid choices" bit. I'm not really in a position to do that at the moment. So I'm sort of in default mode, and that's getting to be exhausting and a bore, so I entertain thoughts of going to ground and hibernating for a while. Maybe that's what I need to do in order to figure out my path. I'm not sure.

In any event, I'd like to have some of this square by the fall. Hopefully the road trip will help. Time's a-wasting.