I yack yack a lot about Howard Dean here. Maybe that's a bit boring, so for anyone who's been wondering what's up in my life lately, this is it.

I was talking last night with Frank about my website a little, and it was interesting for me to reflect on how it's changed over time. I originally was inspired by Justin Hall's links.net, and had the idea of telling life stories and promoting my ideals through the hyperlinked medium. That's what I did for about a year, coding by hand and generally avoiding the whole blogosphere.

Over time I succumbed to my geekish roots and got more and more interested in the implications of the personal publishing phenomena. I also succumbed to my political roots and started ranting about the oncoming war. Now I look back over the last few posts and I'm a little bit surprised at what I'm seeing. I've become a partisan for Dean on this blog, and that's ok, but I think I aught to do more Dean stuff in the real world and write about more real world stuff on the blog. Questing for balance, always.

Being in a relationship has definitely changed how I write in this space. My life has vastly fewer salacious details to report, and when something juicy does happen I'm more likely to feel that it's "personal," and maybe not put it out there for the world to see.

So how are things? Well, they're topsy-turvy as of late. It was a beautiful day yesterday. I had an amazing four hour conversation with my old teacher Steve Wangh about the book he wants to write and which I'm going to help him research, and about my Praxis essay. On the ride back the air was beautiful and people were smiling and life was full of possibility.

But when I got home the worm turned rather quickly. I discovered I'm being questioned by the IRS for my lack of a 2001 tax return. My girlfriend is having a life crisis and she canceled plans we had because she needed some time along. I haven't seen her much lately, and this is bothering me a lot. I try not to let on -- don't really want to bore people with my peevish insecurities and emotional needs or put any undue pressure on her -- but it's becoming an issue. I've also been talking with Mark and Luke out in California and it sounds like Mark and Shannon my not be around for as long as we all thought. The dream slipping away, fantasy collapsing.

I have an earache. My laptop monitor cable is coming loose. I don't have any ready cash and I'm pretty deep in debt. Things seem to be conspiring to bum me out. Last night I was full of frustration and dull thoughts. I wanted to punch something, and old adolescent vice. I was grinding my teeth and drinking heavily. The world was ugly and loud and boring and full of sour temptation. Josh Koenig was a nice guy. He didn't need this shit.

And so now I'm sad and angry and I have a wicked hangover, but it's put me in a fightin' mood. I'm not afraid of these punks from the IRS. They sent me duplicate forms, and addressed them to my mother's house. They're clueless whores, saggy-fleshed middle-manager clowns who's lives are failures and who can be bought off on the cheap. And it will be ok with Sasha; Julia tells me so; the critical thing is remembering to keep breathing. It would seem that the question facing me straight in my puffy squinting face is whether or not I'm going to do anything about all this bullshit, whether or not I have the energy and drive to take the steps that need to be taken, whether or not I'm going to let the power of my will flow through me and into the world.

For now there is coffee, and life will go on. As my man Sam points out, it's not as though this is the worst things have been. He even made me an egg sandwitch. Considering it's his birthday today, that's quite a gesture.