"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

Calmer Now. Total Control.

By means of assuaging my mother and anyone else who might be tuning in, in spite of my angsty posts I'm not going to collapse into nothingness or the like. I am getting a lesson in "how much is too much" from a work/stress standpoint, but things are actually progressing well on that front, and I'm about to escape — succurro! succurro! — to Hawaii for a wonderful (wedding) celebration of life.

I may be hailin' from the edge, but I'm pretty sure everything is gonna be alright.

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Focus, Davidson. Focus.

Having a lot of trouble focusing, my mind skittering around the edges of what's to be done. Feels like personal failure. I'm a little sad, caught here outside the perimeter, alone.

In the grand scheme of things I know I'm one of the luckiest people alive, that This Too Shall Pass, but it's just not a great Sunday morning.

On the one hand, I believe that good things require some amount of pain and sacrifice — A Grand Don't Come for Free, after all — I also believe that the most important thing is to stop struggling.

When struggling, there's a pretty good chance that "You're Doing It Wrong."

Not sure how to do it right though.

Not super happy that Rina is moving to London next week.

Not feeling very much in the flow, or where to go to get picked back up into the stream.

For the moment, it's a world of TODOs and trying the best you can, trying the best you can, hoping the best you can is good enough.

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Another World Is Possible?

I've been slowly making my way through First as Tragedy, Then as Farce, which I picked up while browsing the Strand back in the spring and then purchased as a supplemental counterweight to the delightfully light/fun Shantaram. Žižek isn't really breezy, but he's certainly brilliant, and more importantly willing to ask pretty hard questions.

The book is part dissection of the contemporary neoliberal status quo ideology, and part argument to revive the idea of (haunting music) Communism. It's already delivered a few gems, such as this explanation of the uselessness of the modern Leftist opposition:

In the good old days of Really Existing Socialism, a joke popular among dissidents was used to illustrate the futility of their protests. In the fifteenth century, when Russia was occupied by Mongols, a peasant and his wife were walking along a dusty country road; a Mongol warrior on a horse stopped at their side and told the peasant he would now proceed to rape his wife; he then added, "But since there's a lot of dust on the ground, you must hold my testicles while I rape your wife, so that they will not get dirty!" Once the Mongol had done the deed and ridden away, the peasant started laughing and jumping with joy. His surprise wife asked, "How can you be jumping with joy when I was just brutally raped in your presence?" The farmer answered: "But I got him! His balls are covered with dust!"

A lot of the rest is somewhat remedial for anyone with a critical eye for the world: how a "kinder" — or more recently "greener" — capitalist status quo has taken hold and is recycling its opposition into its own system, etc. The interesting piece to me is not this critique, but the argumentation to seriously (re)consider the Marxist alternative.

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Trends: Positive

Positive things:

  • Back up on the bike! It's hard to underestimate the value of getting natural endorphins in the mix, and circulating the lymphatic system.
  • After a weekend of feeling sort of like a shut-in, having much better social times at work and at home.
  • I (heart) the world cup. It's better than the Olympics, I think.
  • Pandora radio on my Android as I walk and cruise. The two "stations" I am rocking now are Mark Ronson and Wolfmother. I particularly like thinking about the physics of listening to that as I ride said bike.

I know I'm in a better mood because I see beautiful people around again rather than inhabit a dark grey ugly zombieland, and I'm tolerant of failure and setbacks. It's a better way to be – more effective, not to mention more pleasant — and I'm hoping I can sail through the storm like this.

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