"Undermining my electoral viability since 2001."

flight dreams

Was out in berkely the other night, dreaming of flying. Now tonight I meet a girl who started a legit bike gang down in LA -- in addition to many other things. It's good, very good, to make out.

Oh man. Oh yes. Oh Man.

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Cheney: Economic Stats Miss EBay Sales

Suggested new motto for Bush/Cheney '04: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Indicators measure the nation's unemployment rate, consumer spending and other economic milestones, but Vice President Dick Cheney says it misses the hundreds of thousands who make money selling on eBay.

"That's a source that didn't even exist 10 years ago," Cheney told an audience in Ohio. "Four hundred thousand people make some money trading on eBay."

eBay does a few billion a year in total transactions, but 400,000 people making "some money" is nowhere near the economic value of 2 million, you know, jobs. Edwards fires back:

"If we only included bake sales and how much money kids make at lemonade stands, this economy would really be cooking," Edwards said in a statement.

And now your moment of zen:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Just say it once; it feels right. Special thanks to the sloganator.

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Rushing on my Run

Whoa I can feel it tonight. I took a big ride today, the likes of which I haven't been on in a couple of months. I've been getting phyically soft lately, and it's beginning to cramp my psychic style, what with all the mind/body symbiosis I built up in the college.

So twin peaks it was; a little tuning up and then striking out for the foothills, warming up into Noe Valley, starting to really chug on the steep uphill blocks between Castro and Diamond. These are the streets where they post signs reminding drivers to use the e-brake and turn the tires into the curb to prevent runaways, and most are paved with small-grooved concrete. Dropping down to the mightiest mechanical advantage my machine can muster I still slalom to make my way up.

There's a mean headwind too, pouring down the hill from the pacific. This is the same headwind that makes biking home from the Caltrain up Ceasar Chavez such a bitch, but here it's stronger and the street is steeper. I get the idea that this is like that part of the Tour de France that kills people (literally). Luckily for me there are only 5 or 6 serious uphill blocks before I hit Diamond Heights, and then there's a few gentle ups and downs before the final push when you get off the main streets and start the long, sloping curves of the Peaks.

This last part reminds me of the rides I used to do last summer, big long tools up into the hills above Oakland and Berkeley on my old steel horse, the 50-pound swap-meet schwinn I was riding until I took at door (and I mean took it, as in broke it off the hinge) on my way to work coming down Chavez last fall. The best part of those rides was the top, the long shallow uphill curves through above even the fancy-ass houses, pedaling through ecalyptus past that rodeside drinking fountain some saintly person installed, and then breaking out to that great explorer-style bay area panorama. Here it is! Same deal with twin peaks, 'cept I'm looking at it from the other side of things.

It's good up there. A few tourists -- family of very bronze Germans (?) and some homegirls from LA -- and photo people catching what the sunset does. I sit and try to concentrate on nothing, head away from the concrete and stone tourist area up to the top of one of the actual peaks where some guy is chilling and his yappy little miniature terrier goes crazy on my sweaty sweaty legs. By and by he calms down and I watch the sun sink to the Pacific and feel the steady heavy wind sweeping up -- here it's almost strong enough to lean into -- and growing colder as the evening begins to set in.

Feeling jazzed and rested and clean I head down to catch my speed thrills. I set up tunes for the downhill surge; precisely cueing up "Pepito" by Calexico for the begining of Portrola. I wait for the traffic to pass and the light to gate off any more oncomers so I'll have all the lanes to myself for the way down. Portrola is like a little highway coming off the peaks; no intersections or stop signs, road dividers for a lot of it. Unlike the streets I climed to get here it's one long steady concrete power-curve hugging the side of the hill rather than an impossibly steep perpendicular imposition.

I try no hands for a second, but the wind, now coming at me from the side, is still kicking ferice, not to mention I'm going about 30mph and sitting up generates intense wind-drag from my torso. I almost loose it for one sickening moment. I've got a helmet now, but at that speed it wouldnt matter. You leave a lot of skin on the street when you take that fall, usually some teeth too. But I get my hands back on the bars in time to just wobble some and keep them there the rest of the way down, the death-brush adrenaline high kicking in as I hit the slower citified blocks of the Castro.

I start laughing with the high. There's really nothing like boring out and burning that much self-generated kenetic energy so quickly with nothing seperating you from the universe. In the process of climbing -- close to a half-hour's work -- my legs dumped enough total force into the pedals to kill me many times over, as witnessed by what almost happened when I lost control for only a moment. I burned all that in a little over 300 seconds, with many a maneuver attendant. That's a rush. The feeling that comes after is a wave of releif and joy and deep power, like a golden tide rising through your spine. It's a high without shame; a totally selfmade thing.

I stop for good pizza on the way home, thin crust from 16th and Valencia, thinking about the human side of things and how I've been really personally negelgent for a long ass time. My work is important, and I'm once again proud of what I do, but unless I'm also livin' it, what's the point?

A change is going to come. Life is going to return. The process of developing and realizing my philosophical rambles and artistic yearnings will resume. It'll be good. A sea of possibility.

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Joe Felice looking swas with the ladies

Joe Felice looking swas with the ladies

Joe and I went to ETW together, but our early attempts at collaboration were abortive, though we've maintained a great deal of mutual respect. We were both Deaniacs and now Joe is kicking ass and taking names for MfA.

And I also love that Nica used "swas" to describe the photo.

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Egocentric Pix

Me times four

I took these photos for the MfA online un-store, then noticed a certain cachet to how my mail application arranged them as attachements to send off. Something nice and found-art about the four in a grid with the back in the top left; not the way I would ever have thought to arrange them, but somehow more right.

Anyway, just in case any of you were wondering what I'm looking like lately. A little out of shape and wearing a shirt with my logo; kinda need a haircut. That's me!

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Nerding Out

So far it's 10pm Saturday night and I'm still at home, beating the crap out of my powerbook (localhosted mysql server hanging...) to get some rather complex data migration stuff worked out for mfa. I want to move from the custom hacktackular spaghetti code that I've conjured over the past year to civicspace before Labor Day Weekend breaks and the real campaign season begins.

Civicspace will be fun. The functionality is all there (and more, thanks to all the promises Zack made <g>) but since Neil and the other coders actually, like, engineered the thing, it works a little different on the inside, and stores its data in a much more abstractly structured way. It will also make my life as Technical Director easier as I'll have a wide pool of developers to pull on in the future.

But I'm sitting home alone at 1opm on a Saturday. Damn. They're getting ready to Burn the Man right about now. There's a lot of player-hating around Burning Man, which isn't really new or surprising, but I still think it's a fabulous thing to have happen every year. I'll be headed back to the Playa come 2005, taking anyone who wants to come along with me. Wanna participate? I'll start talking about it seriously this winter. Seriously seriously, 'cause we're going to have to rent a flatbed truck and borrow some welding gear I think.

I've been contemplating with some relish what returning to a more normal social life will be like. You don't go off and do what I've been doing for the past year -- working on the .org boom -- and just pop back into post-student bohemia mode; it's going to be a new chapter. Exciting.

The other thing I want to do this weekend is get through a big pile of personal writing. I want to report on my summer vacation, trips to political conventions, and other assorted things. I also want to switch this site around to re-integrate all the old life-content into things better. I'm thinking about moving the whole works over to drupal, which would let me do that, and also give other people their own voices if they wanted them. We'll see what happens.

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Mistaken Identity Fun

Got a little contact today which was fun. Someone trying to track down a long-lost love:

Well, I loved a Josh Koenig once. Actually, I still do, but you're not him. Of course, I love you too, but only in that earthy I-wanna-love-everyone kinda way which looks real good on paper and comes out with a big soup stain on its shirt. Oh well.

I coulda saved us both the trouble by reading a bit first, but now at least you know that there exists another Josh Koenig who is possibly the greatest poet the universe has ever known. Josh Koenig must be a special name.

I'll take that karmic association. Thanks!

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The Struggle

The most important thing is to stop struggling. When you feel that tight knot getting tighter in your shoulders and your guts twisting up and your teeth beginning to grind; when you can't stop thinking of how wrong or bad or ugly something is; when you can't seem to get the weight off your chest in spite of a lifetime of squirming, this is my advice to you. I'm advising myself here, but I use the second-person to make it more engaging as a blog. Bear with me. This is how I do.

Anyway, when this thing just won't stop pressing on you, and you've writhed and bucked to the best of your ability, the most important thing is to stop struggling. This is the universe telling you to take a deep breath, look around calmly, catlike, and try a new way of doing things. Turn over a new leaf, strike out in a new direction, drop down and tap the inner source again.

This can be frightening. We become wedded to our struggles over time, some kind of king-hell parasitic thing, starts out as you and your enemy and ends up your identity is hard to separate. Maybe you can't get free without losing some skin, unless that is you take some time and soak it, tease it out. It takes time and will to extract yourself from habitual chaos, from ritualized struggle.

Tough as it may be, failing this will only lead to being ground down and rendered hopelessly boring via repitition. Break free from struggle; walk through the goddamn walls.

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Where To From Here?

summer 2004As I finish packing to head back out to New York, still weak with some virus or bacteria, I'm feeling reflective in a way I haven't been in a long time. Nostalgic for past loves, easier times. I find myself more and more estranged from the things that matter to me and starting to really buy those cheap military metaphors for politics. Campaigning is ugly business, and not much fun sits in store for you when you go to be a solder.

So here I sit, a chap who's doing his best to defy the right-wing revolution, sifting back through memories of 2, 4 even 7 or 8 years ago. It's a lot to deal with, childhoods end. I don't want to give up playing, don't want to give up innocent dreams. And I don't want to give up wanderlust and whimsy and lazy days either, but I have; at least for the time being.

The real question that nags at me is where this all leads. Why am I doing what I do and what will it all mean in 6 months, a year? Where will I live and how will I spend my time? Will I have any better stories to tell? Will I feel more accomplished, more at home, more alive? I'm out of groove here; bouncing across the vinyl, or maybe I'm too deep in, to rutted. The work being done is good and important, but on some fundimental level it isn't me, not quite, not yet. This single-mindedness is not to my liking.

So many things left to do, left to explore, left to unearth, uncover, depths left to plumb. How to swing it; how to travel the world, advance my career (whatever that means), ameleorate my debts, reconnect with friends and family, enrich my knowledge, find love again, make new connections, start building the foundations for a full adult life, and still have time for stupid hijinks and fun. It all seems too much, yet anything less seems a cop-out.

I haven't been philosophizing much lately, just getting hung up with work and petty concerns. I haven't written anything really good, anything remotely dangerous, in a long time. It's time to get back to basics, methinks. If you don't change the direction you're headed, you're liable to end up where you're going.

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Personal Update

I'm sick. I woke up Monday morning in Salt Lake City and I knew I was ill. Swolen throat, stuffy head. I've been pushing it a little too hard lately it seems. I'm taking it easy, which also means refraining from any vice. Today I realized that my headache wasn't just from congestion, but also from 36 hours without caffeine. Addiction, anyone?

I fly to NYC Thursday; get in early evening, will be calling around tomorrow to find the place to crash.

Hopefully my health will recover. Until then its off to the races regardless.

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