Lots of sunday thoughts about life and everything. We rented a car to (work) drive to Santa Cruz, road trip with Dan and Brian, winding around hwy 17 -- steep, curvy, traffic -- then sitting around the show, cold little antichamber where the tables and concessions were; muffled music from inside, people milling. Some interest in our stuff, a little conversation with the guys, a couple, more than a couple, really pretty women, alluring in spite of their Dennis Kucinich leanings. Nothing doing though: no tao of Steve or even goofball bumbling introduction energy. I'm blocked up lately, flow impeded. The gut-eating stress is off, but even in absence of external pressures, my juice remains well and truly stoppered.

Not that there's no internal pressure -- no doubt about that, there's mojo built up a-plenty -- but it currently has no means of articulation, no focus, no room to maneuver, no way of becoming active. My chi, my desire, my heart, spirit and to some degree even my mind are all clown car cramped at the moment. Maybe it's an ego problem; not enough, too much, I don't really know. All's I'm saying is that there's a point at which bound energy is either liberated or begins the entropic dissipation the laws of thermodynamics demand. The sooner this not gets undone, the sooner we can get back to the dance.

The phenomena cuts across all aspects of the life. Work, friends, art, politics, sex -- you name it -- and what's more it can go on forever if I let it; that would be a bum trip for sure.

Long time ago, Mark told me that 2003 was going to be the Year of Getting Shit Done. He's been odly prophetic in some ways, but it's been a sad kind of journey. People are splitting up, the world is splitting up it seems, and instead of making me angry it's starting to just make me sad. I've been wondering when we will have a chance to get back to the fine art of living rather that sweating the future in such an enormous way. I look forward to that day, but I want it to be because we did something rather than because we turned our backs on the situation.