Another profit record on Wall Street. This time from scrappy underdog Bear Stearns:

Bear Stearns on Thursday was the latest Wall Street bank to report record first-quarter earnings thanks to strong performances by its trading, derivatives and investment banking businesses.

The company said first-quarter profits rose 36 per cent to $514m, or $3.54 per share, from $379m, or $2.64 per share a year earlier.

But, as fate would have it, some of those profits will have to be let go. The very same morning:

Bear Stearns Cos. has been fined $250 million by the New York Stock Exchange and the Securities and Exchange Commission for fraudulent market timing and late trading of mutual funds, regulators said Thursday

Well, in fairness, the $500M came from one quarter (three months) work. The fines cover misdeeds over four years, from 1999 to 2003. I'm sure everyone's year-end bonuses will still be pretty good, rest assured.

Is it wrong of me to wonder whether these record profits have anything to do with those other record profits that came in about across the board from petrochemical (oil) companies? We heard about the US company record from Exxon/Mobil, but there was also a UK record from Shell, and personal bests for both BP and Chevron.

Those are the four big private oil companies worldwide, may their astronomical wealth trickle ever downward. In commie pinko places like Alberta, Canada, where the oil operations are managed by the state, they're stocking up public-investment funds. Here in Corporate America, we've got a $7B giveaway to these already fantastically successful companies.

Woo! Hummer 3s all around!