I wrote this more than two years ago. Strange to think about that. I've been having a protracted crisis of faith with my work in politics. Good to touch the roots.

Well, one of my nipple piercings came out. It's been on the move for a while, and the day finally came. I got my tits done about five years ago by the good people at High Priestess in Eugene. I did it because I was wild and 20, and because my ex-girlfriend dared me. After the fact I found (as I'd suspected and hoped) that girls who were not my ex-girlfriend found the feature quite alluring.

The piercings were simultanious, both at the same time. It was a major rush and probably less hassle to get them done like that, but the right-hand one, done by the apprentice, was always more trouble than the master-pierced left. It took longer to heal, was generally more fussy, and about two years ago the metal stud started making it's way slowly downward with the gentle assistance of gravity. Lately it's been hanging by a thread. I have photos. The process has been kinda painful -- all the times it got caught on something, or smacked around by accident -- and I'm glad it's over, but now the right half of my chest looks strangely barren and featureless.

I have the barbell now; it came out without pain or incident in the shower. The last layer of tissue holding it to my body was so thin it was translucent, and after washing the area to soften it up, I was able to pull it free. Now I find I miss it; have to see about having it redone.

On the other hand (literally), I've noticed that the left-side is a lot more lively, tingling and stiffening and the like, as if finally being the lone piercing on my 25-year-old body has given in a renewed sense of purpose. I also find that without the "problem nipple" I feel a lot less worried about getting hit in the chest. Maybe this little change-up isn't all bad.

Stephen DenBeste is likely the most long-winded of all right-wing bloggers. He seems to be a smart enough engineer, and back in the day he and I swapped some emails about the war. I still drop in to see what he's going on about as it's a good way to check in with the people I diagree with. Here's a typical bit I disagree with, from a piece entitled (romantically enough) The price of heroism:

[this film was made] early enough so that the film makers were not infected with post-modernist multiculturalist mindset and didn't need to try to portray Hitler and the other top Nazis semi-sympathetically. (Or to try to figure out some reason why it was actually America's fault.)

See, this is why I can't take his writing seriously, (other than this that is; just kidding... he's outlandish too!). Can someone please tell me what film ever portreyed the H-man (or his top cronies) sympathetically, or ever attempted to place blame on America? Was it Schindlers List? Saving Private Ryan? Bedknobs and Broomsticks? A Bridge Too Far? Maybe he means Das Boot, but that's a German film, and it certainly doesn't portrey the high-brass sympathetically, just a U-Boat crew.

Here's a list of all the movies about WWII from imdb. What the fuck are you talking about Stephen?

I've created a module for drupal-based websites to easily link up with the dKosopedia. The module allows users any drupal/deanspace/civicspace webiste to reference the wiki using simple shorthand.

[kos:some term] = link to "some term" in dKosopedia

This will help users of these sites to easily reference the wiki in online conversation, saving time and eliminating the need to deal with html formatting.

I'm working this into Drupal's real CVS, but for now you can download it here: outlandishjosh.com.

Stumbled across this from Chris Allbritton's Back to Iraq (to which I contribute money): Art in Baghadad. This is in some ways very much worth my $20.00 on its own.

I've been thinking myself about travel, and about how Frank and I talk about wanting to be closer to where things are happening. I think my first move is going to be to try and do some kind of giant road trip around the USA after the election. But if all goes well, in two or three years the Forward Left of the Blogosphere should be in a position to send cultural embassadors to various places; or maybe I can revisit the Geekcorps idea.

A few things occur to me when I realize that Estonian teenagers and Persian (Iranian) electroclash bands are organizing online through Orkut. First of all, that the future of humanity has some hope. Second of all, it makes me wonder about trying to actually organize in that way. A brainchild may be hatching at this very instant; the future of direct action.

Also, saw Good Bye Lenin! which is good and has a soundtrack by the guy who did the music in Amelie. It touched my idealism, and did a really great job of keeping it real politically. Nuance can be a good thing, especially when human beings are involved. And the protagonist's love interest is a Soviet student nurse. I recommend. It's good to remember that the Cold War happened, and that for a lot of people it was a really big deal.

The Public is making a comeback. It'll be global, it'll be more interested in good living and good government than with any old ideas about revolution. The Public wants peace.

Last night was a blur; nothing happening made me get wilder and wilder with progressive intoxication. Hopefully no one was hurt in the making of the evening. I can't rightly remember. This used to happen more often; now its once in a blue moon. Today is carnival in the Mission. My mother has a bionic eye. My father hasn't been returning my emails. My pa is reveling in a second life:

When you consider that this guy had a formative impact on my development as a kid, everything makes a little more sense.

So I'm ok. I have a hangover, and I'm trying to make it a good one. You know, lazy, slow and reflective. I realized in college that one of the reasons I enjoy drinking to excess is that in addition to slowing my overactive rational mind during the experience it forces me to move slowly the day after.

Today I'm kind of melancholy and horny at the same time, a strange combination, but one which isn't all that out of the ordinary for me now that I think about it. I believe in the transcendent capacity of the physical, which includes sex, and so whatever hormonal lust I have tends to be augmented with more spiritual yearnings. This can make for really good experiences in bed, but it also means that I sometimes go looking for something that isn't there, especially when I reach out in need. Marvin Gaye wrote a couple songs about this kind of thing. Also lately I'm not really "in my body" as we'd say back in theater school. Lots of reasons for that, but it clearly has an impact on my ability to be a good lover, or even to find someone to be a mediocre lover with, even as it amps up the need for connection.

The point is that I'm in some way hungry, which has its ups and downs. I don't have much of a support network for this kind of thing; and forraging seems a dubious plan when the most attractive people I come into contact with are waitresses and bartenders, who (it's pretty safe to assume) don't really want to hear about it. Oh well. I suppose I can meditate. Fish or cut bait. Fish or cut bait. Fish or cut bait. I wanna do something (someone?) new. I wanna do someone (something?) right.

A couple big updates for you; one professional, one more personal. You can read down and get the personal, but in keeping with how my life has been going for the past six or eight months, the personal comes first.

So I went to the Personal Democracy Conference and I was sort of bored. There interesting things transpire, but at the same time nothing really happens. I probably shouldn't say that, but I don't think I was the target audience for the thing, so I don't think I'll be hurting anyones feelings by being brutally honest.

I've heard all this before, only now more "important people" are saying it. The words I believe in are there, but they mouth them without passion. It sounds like politics as usual. It feels corporate. That this is a kind of progress I have no doubt, but the magic is gone. The little moments that peek through are good, but I don't know what to make of all this. It's the feeling I got the other week at the Tank -- the same surreal feeling of hearing what sounds like a self-echo -- but much more strong, and kinda unpleasent.

It makes me feel illegitimate. All the words are here, the words that I believe in, but little of the understanding and no one with passion. There are parts and people where it feels close; but there's a lot of resistence and a lot of faking it. The powers that be fear change. The redistribution of power isn't going to be a completely smooth process. It rarely is.

But few people were there pushing the revolution. Trippi did a good Trippi, talking up the future, but most of the others from the Dean camp were reflective or subdued. They had a chat screen behind the panel for some of the sessions, which provided some good live moments (technical difficulties aside) but what came through more than helpful contextual information was frustration. We're not hitting it yet. There's an elephant in the room that everyone can sense; but everyone is also blind, so no one knows what it is. I certainly don't have the answers.

The organizers should be commended. Such a conference, not to mention such a format, is a bold experiment. My sense is that it's difficult to talk about the emerging union between politics and technology without moving rapidly to tactics, to specifics and plans of action. It's also difficult to have a conference on something that's just emerging, that nobody really understands. The real players and honest minds will admit that they are inside something that is in flux, that they understand little and that nothing is fixed. The more hackish will step up act like they know. One kind tends to go on a panel more than another, tends to talk more, tends to dominate the atmosphere some.

A perfect example; David Weinberger was there, so wonderfully open honest about it all. I quipped to him in the lobby that I was glad he brought his "authentic human voice," and I don't know if he knew I was being sincere but I was. He's my McLuhan, a father (or at least kindly uncle) to the movement, and he's one of the few voices up there that I felt was actually and honestly attempting to grapple with the moment.

But as I said, the organizers should be commended. It's quite a thing, to bring all these folks together. Someday maybe I'll get to be one of the guys on the stage. That would be fun. I like talking to an audience.

As with most conferences, the real action was on the margins; in the cocktail reception and food-getting afterwards. I got another chance to goof around with Matt Stoller, who I now realize reminds me amazingly of Chris Wild. I got to talk a little more with Micah, Rob, Britt and Joe, who I think of as my grown-up allies and co-revolutionaries. I got to meet some great people from Indyvoter (attractive and almost San Franciscan Niana) and Billionares for Bush (adventurous and honest Andrew). Justin Krebs from the Tank put me in touch with a bunch of good people. I saw some familiar friendly faces from the Digital Democracy Teach-In. I shook an elected officials hand. I got to say hi to Matt Gross, who I had kind of avoided before because I didn't know if he knew who I was. Finally I got to drink a nice tall drink with Jay Rosen, who gave us some good hustorical analysis and a some excellent vocabulary to weild.

It's more social connections than you can ever use at one time, but I think the theory is that you're panning for gold, and everyone knows that most of the folks there are silt; and we're ok with that. Some good will come of this. The cause of humanity was advanced.

The personal life is going allright. I've realized that I want to move back to New York coty. It's my desire to live with the kind of company and opportunities that the city provides. I recognize all that San Francisco has to offer, and I plan on being a frequent visitor, but the city is my home.

I could write more rhapsody for New York. It's tempting, and I'll most likely slip back into that at some point along the line. But the thing about this is that deciding I want to go back to NY presents all kinds of problems.

Theoretically I can keep my job and do this. Assuming there's a job to keep -- and we all seem serious about making sure there is -- there's no true work-related reason to keep me in San Francisco, and some compelling opportunities (it would seem) in moving back East. New York City is a place where I can wheel and deal. It's a symbiotic thing. I come alive when I am there in a way that I do not in California. Part of it is friends and existing social connections, but a big part of it is that being in the city flips a switch in me. I become a different person, someone much more powerful I think.

Why this is is a mystery to me. LIke I said, part of it is old friends, but I didn't spend a lot of time with my old friends comparatively speaking. The politics of New York agree with me much more than the politics of San Francisco. New York is a real cultural center, a Main Connection between the US and the rest of the world. I miss swimming in that great big pond.

I worry about ego creep. I met with Steve while I was in New York, who told me to follow what excites me and to not be afraid of taking scary steps. I still don't know what the right thing to do is often, or what I want. I feel lonely at times, but I don't think I can honor a relationship. Relational power. Relationship power. Loveless, it's harder to walk in an avaristic world; but I don't know that I'm ready for love again. In fact I doubt it. I feel like a handsome devil -- in kind of a bad way.

Shadow shadow on the wall, if I become you, will it mean that I fall... or is that the only way to grow... I think I have to get serious not only about what I'm doing with my life, but also about attending to the art of living. The last time I laid down with a girl, she cought me sleeping with my eyes open. Literally. That's gotta be a warning sign.

Gore summs the situation, which is something I've been working on too. I'm not too mad about it though. To be honest, I find it comforting when "the adults" come through with the good word. Makes me feel like a little less of the world is riding on my shoulders.

It's a long read, but it's good. Hints of pedantry at points, but 99% on target. I'll have to do a youth culture translation I suppose.